Rory vs Scottie for all the Marbles!

Well, not really….

Earlier today it was announced the Rory and Scottie will each captain a 4 man team to compete in the “Golf Channel Games” on December 17th. What a great time to be alive! Surely the 79th times a charm when trying primetime a golf event!

What’s the “Golf Channel Games”? Well, I'm glad you asked! It’s been described as a “series of time and strategy-focused challenges”, whatever the hell that means. The following events will be held:

1. Timed Driving Competetion-head to head, two minute event combining distance and accuracy

2. Timed Short Game Competetion-a three minute display of chipping and putting from a variety of places around the green

3. 14 Club Challenge-too fucking confusing to explain, but all 14 clubs will be used and there’s closest to the pin

4. Timed Alt Shot Shootout-3 holes with players staged from tee to green. Lowest score in the lowest time wins?

5. Captains Choice-nope not the Captain’s Choice we all know and love as golfers, aka Scramble. This challenge is cooked up by the brilliant minds of Rory and Scottie themselves. Can’t wait to see what two golf dorks come up with.

The teams are about as vanilla as these “events”. Team Rory will be Shane Lowry, Haotong Li, Luke Donald joining Rory. Alongside Scottie will be Sam Burns, Luke Clanton and Keegan (who will hopefully alpha Scottie and become the captain, or punch Rory in the face).

Needless to say, these two will laughing all the way to the bank (on top of the millions each of them have already pocketed over the last few years) because they’ve done it again, sold another “Made for TV” primetime golf event that nobody will actually like. Good for them though, they’ve duped the Golf Channel into giving them a bag of money. The only person that’s gotten over on the Golf Channel more is that nerd Brandel Chamblee. God help me if he’s on the broadcast.